The Origins of Violence?~ Not Always Where You Might Think

In a coffee shop the other day, I saw a young man in a jacket with a logo that read “We live in a fast world.” “Interesting, that this would be on his jacket,” I thought, and, “Yes, indeed we do. “ Our world is getting faster and with a faster world, so too comes more violence. In an e-mail based newsletter that talks about up and coming trends in culture and consumerism, I saw a picture of the popular spinning classes that you would find in a fitness club, except that this one was on a transit bus. Now that is really fast. It’s no surprise that more and more people are coming to yoga, or other spiritual outlets for refuge from the seeming craziness that is encircling our planet. And even the spiritual outlets can become too high-tech, competitive, and consumer driven, losing their spiritual and life-changing potential somewhere between a rushed downward dog and a busy-minded svasana. But the good news is that out of all of this chaos, more individuals are starting to question the madness and find a path to personal peace.

We are brought up in a world today that is saturated by violence from the very time of our arrival from our mother’s womb. It’s very difficult to find a shelter. Violence fills our senses through television, movies (even children’s programs are often filled with disturbing, violent scenes), video games, the news media, books, pictures, toys, music, costumes, and through people‘s actions. “The more violent the better” is the message. War is a fact of life for everyone. We become hardened and desensitized to these images; and in time so do our children.
Can we possibly ask for a future of peace when we view violence so casually?

Words can play a role in violence as well. When I hear the word “non-violence” my blood still runs a little cold. It means well, but the “non” does not make the word more pleasing in my opinion. It is when I hear the word “peace” that I feel that deep, connected calm. And how about “I hate violence.”, “I’m going to kill you.”, “I could just shoot myself. “ How do these phrases feel to you; what images do they create in your mind? I know I’ve used these phrases myself in the past. They are common uses of violent words- both by people who have a violent nature and by those that would like nothing more than to see peace in the world.
But these are just words that we’ve always used. We have much bigger problems today then worrying about the way that we speak. Must we pay attention to these trivial things?

Could it be the that violence in our world today begins within ourselves? The thoughts we allow into our minds and give power to, the substances we put into our bodies, the emotions we allow to fester without working through them, the judgments we have of others, the entertainment we participate in and enjoy, the things we allow our children to watch, the self-deprecation and the ridiculous expectations we place on ourselves and others.
Could we be creating the very same thing that we are looking to stop?
On some level I believe the answer is yes.
I consider myself to be a non-violent person, yet sometimes I know I am being violent.
Can we possibly ask for nonviolence when we harbor our own wars inside of us?

In Emmet Fox’ The Sermon on the Mount, -he discusses a master rule of Jesus~”Resist not evil.” Fox says “As soon as you resist mentally any undesirable or unwanted circumstance, you thereby endow it with more power-power which it will use against you, and you will have depleted your own resources to that exact extent.” Where are your thoughts focused? Are they focused on how much you hate violence or on how much you prefer peace? Our thoughts create power in our lives. If we use violent terms casually, if we always watch the news, catch the latest action flick, think about revenge on an ex, allow our children to watch violent programs, speak to ourselves internally about how awful we are, and think about how very much we hate violence, we give it all power.

You may argue that this is all very idealistic thinking, that it’s not realistic, that we are then ignoring what is going on in the world, or that we have so many bigger problems then our thoughts and what we watch on the television. Perhaps this is true. However, as the famous quote from Mahatma Gandhi states, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world“…and I choose to be the change.

~2006

Devotion: One Mother’s Perspective

As I gently wake in the morning to the sun’s first subtle peek through my dark bamboo shades, I turn onto my left side and a smile quickly overtakes the corners of my mouth. My senses are filled with my precious child, peacefully slumbering, and perhaps dreaming of a day filled with new discoveries and adventures. Moments such as these offer me a sense of contentment that all is perfect in the moment.

If only I had known that my heart would be captured by this amazing being that I brought into the world only three short years ago.
If only I had known the passionate feelings that this tiny soul would inspire in me, welling up in my heart and permeating every inch of me.

This motherly devotion, this motherly love.

Devotion is defined as the ardent, often selfless, affection and dedication to a person or principle. This definition does not begin to describe the actual feelings that motherhood has inspired in me- and countless others.
But as with everything, devotion may carry a darker side than the beauty of ardent, selfless love. The dharma of motherly devotion, not coupled with the devotion to self, will ultimately lead to the loss of one’s spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being. The mothers are not the only one who suffer. The children do as well.

As a mother, I have learned the value of one’s time. If I had only known the incredible commitment involved in nurturing a child before embarking on the journey of parenthood. Would I have spent more time in meditation and personal development, rather than reaching for the remote control and lazily yawning, rather bored with my existence? Would I have spent an extra hour at the bookstore, gratefully perusing the aisles, enjoying the aroma of the bookstore coffee shop, rather than running quickly in and out, and grabbing the book that I was looking for before heading to my next activity?
It is not relevant at this point, but it does cross my mind occasionally.

I certainly wouldn’t trade this time in my life for anything, but sometimes I do feel wistful for the “get-up-and-go/do-as-I please” me who has clearly been put to rest. I tell people to treasure their time before children because it will never be the same.

I feel very fortunate to have adapted rather easily into my role of motherhood. There are some that I know who have had great difficulty accepting this drastic change in their lifestyle. I did not experience this process as a painful one, but I truly understand the overwhelming nature of parenthood itself and the sense of a loss of freedom.

I have known no greater joy in my life than when I am laughing in unison with my son, nurturing, loving, nourishing, cuddling, kissing boo-boo’s, sharing in joy’s, and wiping tears, bottoms, and noses. Yet there are moments when I sense my own resistance to motherhood. The sound of my child’s call to “Mommy” is like nectar to my ears, sweet and filling; so when my ears suddenly begin to sting a bit, I know it is time for self-care.

Devotion-yes, devotion in absence of self-care-not advisable.

I know I may never again have the abundant free time I once did until my child becomes an adult; and that is perfectly okay with me. I also know that in order to be an effective parent, I must take sacred time for myself, even if for a fleeting moment each day.

Self-care can be a myriad of things: Yoga/exercise, meditation/quiet time, nutrition, personal and spiritual development, solitude, time with spouse or friends, hobbies, reading, going to a movie that is silly or feeds the soul, or just plain adult-centered fun. It becomes very challenging to fulfill these desires as a parent, especially in the first few years when the child’s needs are so intense. Even as children become more self-proficient, new situations arise that require different parenting skills and a staunch presence in the child‘s life. The holiday season that is upon us, also becomes especially trying as giving is on everyone’s minds and mothers are scrambling to create the perfect holiday for their families. But what about receiving?

The balance is difficult to juggle, but it is an integral part of being a parent.
The airplane analogy to life states that if there is a need for oxygen on the flight, the adult must put a mask on first in order to be capable of assisting children and others. This is true, of course, in life as well. We must feed our souls in order to nurture our children’s souls. When I take that important time, even if for just a few minutes, to engage in activities that fill my “adult” needs, I come back refreshed and able to be fully present as a parent , open to the love that the devotion of motherhood brings.

Our children will have many teachers in their lives- the first are their parents or care-givers. They learn through so many different methods and senses. The not so obvious method is that of silent observation. They watch, they see, and they absorb habits and qualities that are prominent in their parents. Those qualities may someday prompt a, “Wow, they must have gotten that from me.” These are often qualities not realized until we see them in our children. An amazing coach of mine once told me, “If you take care of yourself, your son will know it’s okay to take care of himself.”
What are your children learning from you? What can self-care bring to your devotion?

Devotion-yes, devotion seasoned with self-care-the most rewarding, amazing experience in my lifetime.

~2005

X & O

I had been intending to write again for almost a year, but I hadn’t been able to find the words. The creative faucet was shut off completely-not even a drip. When I finally got the courage to sit, and be patient for the writing to flow, I turned up something of an article, but it barely skimmed the surface of my skin.

Now I find myself sitting barefoot and cross- legged on a picnic table by the gulf, seagulls calling out overhead, sunshine blessing me with its magnificent presence, bathing my skin in light.
I prepare myself to write, but the original ideas that arise in my mind transform as the pen meets the paper.

I began 2006 creating a quote, that, in my eyes, represented the personal and spiritual work into which I’d poured my heart the past few years.

“You must first embrace yourself in the darkness before you can then step out into the light. “
Apparently the Universe heard me and took this as a request, deciding to give me this lesson again- something had been left undone.
“Excuse me, but I believe I’ve already peeled this onion. We worked on this the last few years,“ I began respectfully.
And as the year wore on, “Uh, when does this ride stop please? I’d like to get off now.”
And even later with a certain sarcasm, “Are you kidding me?”

I had great intentions and aspirations. My ego was attached to a certain outcome, and I imagined the year unfolding effortlessly. Instead, I found myself plunging into the darkness of my soul.

I would revisit some of my familiar haunts during the year-those parts of me that I had previously

despised ,but assumed I had, in fact, learned to love and forgive.
The court was in session and I spent my time confused and divided between the roles of judge, jury, defender, and condemned.
“Why was I being pushed back into this sea, feeling like I was lost without a life jacket?”
Everything I thought I knew was challenged and tested- my ego reeling and my head spinning from it all.

The topic of my writing is love-I will write about how we, as humans, love those people that are easy to love, but leave out the one’s who are difficult. The “Sure, I love everyone, except…“ experience that almost all humans share to some degree whether we care to admit this or not.

“Can you take that person for whom you struggle to love and really feel love for them in your heart?” I imagine writing.

And then I pause, and all of the year comes flooding back to me-my lesson from the Universe comes into sharp focus.

“Maybe it’s me I need to love-maybe it’s my difficult parts that I need to send love to and that I haven’t really done this yet. I may have done the legwork, but not the feeling part. I haven’t really been feeling the love now, have I?”

“Can I reach down into the depths of my soul to those scary spots that I would much rather repress?” I wonder.

Through these personal trials, I had started to question everything.
I became increasingly agitated by spirituality and words used to describe it.
But I continued, in spite of my growing cynicism, because somewhere inside of me I believed- there was still a flicker. I continued to practice , to read spiritual texts, to meditate, to perform asanas, to breathe, to affirm, to chant, to get on my knees, to gain support and camaraderie from spiritual communities and friends, to be in nature, and to utilize energy therapies and alignments.

I persisted when I didn’t feel like it. At times, I would walk the talk and, at others, I would fall back into my “not- so-divine” patterns.

And then something began to happen, to shift. I could feel the tipping point coming, but I wasn’t exactly clear which way I was going to tip. I could feel the rising cynicism in myself, but I could also see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

It was around this time that I became aware of a healer. As trusted others spoke of her and their experience, I intuitively knew I had to see her- and immediately. I knew this was a vital step for me. So I went. Skeptical and discerning on the one hand, but ready and open on the other.
To put into words everything that happened that day would feel impossible. This amazing woman was a conduit and I had prepared all year for this-or perhaps a lifetime. I felt waves begin to rise up from my core-deep, and powerful. And in the stillness in between each wave, I touched God, and She held my hand and She was a part of me.

And everything, and I mean everything, was okay in those precious in-between moments. A profound peace, a calm silence. Waves rising, crashing, and surrendering. I was no longer skeptical, and I was no longer afraid.

And again my intuition spoke, and it whispered that I wasn’t quite finished yet.

I still carried some agitation towards spiritual words. I felt if I heard divine, universe, or karma in a sentence again, especially if it came out of my mouth, I might just be sick. And then I actually was. For three days.

Only able to arise for the most basic human needs. As suddenly as it all came on, it dissipated -into stillness; and it created an open space. The same still and open space that I felt in my healing session. And it was in that space that I felt love and acceptance. I didn’t know love and acceptance. I felt it, and that was the difference. In that space, I understood that what I felt was not coming from a book, a movie, an article, a lecture, a teacher, a therapy session, or a relationship.Those could all be powerful guideposts., but only for me to experience first -hand and in my own time. I knew to truly be open to life, to touch and love others’ souls, I first had to touch and embrace my own-not just the beautiful parts but the hard to handle one’s too.
How could I write an article about loving others when I hadn’t fully extended open arms around myself?

I am finishing my article, stretching my arms, listening to the waves gently crashing, wiggling my bare toes, and gazing up at the sky. And in that inspiring moment I am rendered breathless. What my eyes behold is an airplane trail, creating a perfect X and alongside it a cloud formation in the form of a perfect O. The joining of matter (prakriti) and spirit (purusha), Heaven and Earth. And I know, in that instant that I am loved as the Universe signs the open sky-
X & O, my dear child.

X & O.

~2006

The “C-Word”

Oh, I know what you are probably thinking.

However, I am not referring to that four-letter word that is used in a derogatory sense. I am writing about the longer one that may inspire even the laziest of us to lace up our sneakers and hit the road. The word that we want to run away from as soon as it passes through another’s lips. The word that causes some of us to begin sweating, trembling, or other various undesirable responses. If you haven’t already guessed it, this c-word is commitment.

“I need a commitment from you.”

We are asked to commit in many different forms-to others, to ourselves, to our work, to causes-to name a few.

Commitment can be difficult for some people and virtually impossible for others.

How often do we turn away from things at the first sign of souring?

“Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I don’t need this …”

Perhaps we shy away from new experiences in life solely because of our fears of rejection or failure.

“This just isn’t for me,” or “I could never do that”

It is easy to make excuses for our lack of commitments.

“Just this once won’t hurt.”

Some of us are great at commitment in some areas of our lives and then not so great in others.

Some of us blame our families or ”exes” for our own commitment shirking roles in society

And there are, of course, many reasons why we can’t keep our commitments.

I believe, however, that there is an important key that we are missing when we talk about strengthening our commitment abilities. There is something that is not typically mentioned by most self-help guides when talking about this word. So, let me talk about the problem and a solution.

The problem:

Our clothes are too tight and our breathing is restricted.

What?! There is no correlation. That is absurd.

My dear fellow commitment-phobes, please allow me to explain further.

According to ancient texts, the navel is the sacred center of our body relating to our ability to keep commitments- to ourselves and to others. It is the center of the body that houses the fire that burns off toxins that make their way into our bodies. It is this fire energy that fuels our lives and ignites our passions.

If our clothes are restrictive and we are also holding in our bellies to look more fit, then how can we possibly breathe properly?

How can we breathe into our navels to inspire our purpose in life?

We are literally cutting off our life force.

The navel center was our original connection to our mothers. We received our life and nourishment from our mother through our navel. When we are born, this part of us is severed. If we begin to open up this area of our body again through focused breathing and attention, we can awaken the dormant feelings of being whole and abundant within, rather than seeking outside sources for pleasure, self-esteem, energy, and security.

If our fires have no room to breathe, they are quickly doused and squeezed to extinction. Addictions are related to the fire aspect of our bodies as well. If our bodies are not already producing natural “fire”, then we must give them a boost artificially. I don’t think I even need to list here the many ways we can fire ourselves up artificially- whether it be to feel good, to have courage, or to just have energy to get through the day,

And now the solution:

The next time that you are desperately wanting to break your commitment, or feel reluctant to make one in the first place, try this experiment.

Pause for a moment,

Focus on your breathing,

Breathe deeply,

Allow your glorious belly to expand,

Enjoy the feeling of your belly,

Repeat and repeat again, and again (until the cravings or feelings subside)

Connect with that sacred center that ignites our lives just by focusing on deepening your breath.

Oh, and loosening up the belt a few notches might not hurt either.

~06/2008

No Day But Today

I used to have a blog several years ago that I would write in successfully on a regular basis.

And for over a year now I have thought, and even sometimes said aloud to friends,
“I really want to start writing again and host a new blog.”

I fell back on the classic “resolution-ey” statement that remains as spoken word.

The dream that never emerges beyond the state of wanting.

There is a psychoanalytical statement that hypothesizes:
If one relates a desire to another, i.e. “I really should lose weight”, that individual has taken a good deal of pressure off to actually move forward with the desired change or goal.
It feels as if the work has been done, and therefore there is no need to attempt reaching the goal at all.

I believe this statement to be true from my own personal experience.

I realize, “Maybe there is something to keeping our seeds to ourselves until they have actually taken root.”

I see that to get a different result in my life, I have to do something different.
I am not going to just manifest my blog out of thin air.
It is not going to appear by divine intervention or universal law.

So in light of this revelation- “Why exactly would I have spent all of these months harboring blog envy for those who are actually writing blogs.

If you want to be a writer, you have to sit down and write.
Why does it feel so hard to do?
Why does the procrastinating part of me kick and scream when I start to think about sitting down to write?

What exactly am I afraid of?

And with this line of self-questioning I am left here on the wordpress site.
If you are reading this you will see that I have moved beyond the wishing stage and into the knowing stage.

Knowing that my blog does now appear for others to read, or not to read. Either way- it shows up online; no longer a figment of my imagination.

I have stepped back into the world of bloggers and have kicked my habit of procrastination- for this moment.

That’s how change starts-with one step.
And in that first step awaits the second one; in the second one lies the probability that each subsequent one will be easier than the first.

I am hearing the music in my head from the Broadway hit RENT.

“No Day But Today”

~02/2008